So recently when in a conversation someone said to me that their motto in life was to “Suspect everyone and trust nobody, ” I felt my body reel into a split second of flashback. That was me many years ago!
The fear of living, and the worry and anxiety of unforeseen or unpredictable things happening to us, creates a myriad of complications in a lifetime. Not all fear is based on the fear physical danger. A great deal of fear in our bodies are a result of fear of invalidation and comparison.
Living with the fear, causes hyper vigilance. The installation of a fearful life can also be given daily by parents, relatives, teachers or the media, giving messages of mistrust and over cautious ideas to a child. The constant awareness that danger or criticism, is just around the corner, in any situation, creates a gut wrenching tension, that becames chronic and I didn’t realize that I had it until, it was suggested that I let it go!
Chronic stress, anxiety and ultimately depression caused by fear not only becomes a burden on the nervous system, but also, if not changed, can cause severe physical ailments. Our bodies are not designed to live with constant tension. It is a noticeable competition in some circles, to brag about how busy and stressed folks are, instead of understanding the beauty of living a life of ease and the acceptance of the unfolding of each day. We can have a diary; we just don’t need to fill it to be successful!
The unwinding of childhood conditioning is an important part of personal development. Many people say to me that they have ‘always’ been stressed. It’s a condition that can begin very early. Performance anxiety and competition can be constructed as early as pre –school and primary school. Comparing talents, reading skills, body size, sporting ability and many other efforts to siblings and others, causes stress in a child’s developing psyche. Competition in and of itself is not a detrimental thing. Unnecessary comparison with others does create a condition of ‘other referral’, which can stifle the individual development and interests of the child.
The adult who grew up with the “I’m not good enough, ‘cos everyone is better than me” thoughts, now becomes fearful of a myriad of scenarios. When applying for jobs they get so nervous and anxious, that they can barely speak in an interview. They are not able to join a sports team, because of their belief that they wont be good enough. Their writing abilities and skills are undermined by their self-criticism, their books are written and stay in their computers. Their artistic and musical talents cannot be shared for fear they will be judged by others as not good enough. And so it goes on.
It takes time to learn to let the fear be replaced by consciousness. Replacing fear and worry, which creates anxiety and stress in the body and psyche, with free flowing acceptance and learning to know that life is not something to be feared, is an enormous relief. However, once the mind has cemented into it’s thinking, that tension and stress is a way of staying safe, letting go of those things will, by obvious logic (!) create situations to feel unsafe.
How do we let go of the fears? I strongly recommend Rebirthing/Breathwork. It can be highly effective in getting to the roots and therefore original causes of the fearful thoughts. And its fast!
When hearing the doubts in your mind about doing fearful things, just check to see if they are actually your personal beliefs or the thoughts of an adult close to you as a child. If they are not your own thoughts, but those of another, that’s wonderful. Now you can make up your own mind as an adult.
If you are creating fears for yourself and they are not related to anyone that you can remember expressing their fears to you, then ask yourself; “Is it true or is it imagined?” Most fears are born from an imagination that is more spectacular then the facts. It’s the fabulous creative mind or as the meditators call it the ‘monkey mind’.
Its mischievous, irrational, naughty and needs to be controlled before it controls us! I like to pop my monkeys in a cage and let them go, when they have learned to be respectful and only tell me the truth! Fear tells lies! Have fun letting go!