There are a few reasons why we do this circular thinking, before we take a leap of “planned faith” and make the first steps to change. First of all, it is perfectly “normal’ behavior to think with rationality, about any changes that we are wanting to make in our lives. Those who leap from one condition to another without thinking about the consequences of their decisions can find themselves in hot water over and over again. It’s a wonderful way to create drama.
One man bought a house spontaneously. It was far away from his family, two hours drive from his place of work, not near public transport, shopping for food was a good hour away, especially if it was raining and the roads were wet. At the time that he had bought this house, he had fallen in love with the big gum tree that was nearby and the creek that had sounded so beautiful when he went to view the house. Without thinking about the cold wet winters and the dry hot summers when the creek would not be running, he signed a contract with no conditions on the sale. It caused him many problems. I use this example to illustrate that decision-making and making changes, does not always need to be spontaneous or without due care for yourself and your future. The careless decision maker, after making a mistake, can then fall back on their negative belief of themselves. This belief is that they don’t make wise decisions and when faced with a choice in the future they can withdraw and not take an opportunity again. This is not a great way to learn. We learn best by making mistakes, and then correcting them in the future when similar opportunities arise.
At the other end of the scale, there is the person who can’t come to terms with making a decision at all. They feel totally “stuck” in their lives. All efforts from friends and family to help them, encourage them, and even push them to make positive changes seems to fall on deaf ears. The reasons why change is not easy for some, seems mainly to be the issue of fear. One story that comes to mind is of the woman who has wanted to change her job and career for 4 years, and has only just finally mustered the courage to seek help to get the fear out of her body with Rebirthing and Breathwork.
Procrastination is a form of fear of change also. The “I want to change, but have to find out what everyone else thinks first”, style of change creation. This person talks, and talks, and talks, about the changes that they want to make in their lives. The go to therapists, they seek healers, they have sessions with channelers, they read all the books, do the courses, they speak to their friends and family and still the change never comes. Finally when they get bored with talking about their situation, they decide that maybe their situation isn’t too bad after all!! So they stay the same until another bout of unhappiness strikes. Sometimes things need to get quite unbearable before a person will decide that they can’t stand it anymore and then are almost forced to make a change in their lives.
There is an addiction to ‘comfort zones’ and that addiction is based on the fear of change and the unknown. This co-dependence on the current state of play is caused by the attachment to the present. In our comfort zones, or sometimes our discomfort zones, we know horrible it is and we are aware how uncomfortable it is. At this stage have all our words of complaint, we can describe precisely what is wrong with our circumstances and yet the movement to another place away from the pain is minimal, if at all.
Why? Because we have learned to cope with what it is that we are experiencing. If we change our circumstances we will have to act differently, and experience the discomfort of the unknown. I was taught that ‘we can’t get to where we want to go by staying here’. This statement annoyed me at the time because I wanted to know what it was going to be like when I changed and went to that place where I wanted to be! I needed to learn that eventually the plunge was always safe and that the only scary thing out there was me, and my very creative mind! Nothing terrible happened, I was always safe in the state of change.
Transition to a new way of being will always be combined with some emotion, even if it is elation. Sometimes it is grief, sadness or terror. The transition from the womb, to the world can have an enormous impact on how someone copes with change later in life. Just imagine the idea of being born from a place of contentment into a place of cold, brightness, medical procedures. The fear that is associated with birth can impact on life in general and the willingness to change for the child/adult. If the mother giving birth or the labor ward staff were in fear at the birth of the baby, the mothers fear can be transmitted to the child. This baby, being so sensitive, can pick up the feelings of fear in the delivery room and then hold, the sense of fear in their bodies. The implications of this are many and obvious and can be dealt with Rebirthing /Breathwork to move the mis-owned fear in a persons body and memory.
Understanding that change is not a life or death process for most of us, can help us embrace change for goodness sake. We have all heard the famous saying that “the most constant thing in our lives is change” yet if we don’t embrace it consciously it will embrace us accidentally, more drama!!
Change is necessary, we need it, we can’t really escape it, as hard as we try. Embrace change, trust yourself, make change your friend, see it as exciting and keep it constant. It is an opportunity for your growth , your happiness and your new life. Enjoy!!